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Overcoming Divorce Depression

When you first decided to get divorced, you were beyond ready to break free from your marriage and move on with your life. After the divorce petition was filed, you and your spouse went back and forth over how you would handle the family home, the kids, and your finances. You thought this tug-and-war experience would never end. You were exhausted.

Fast forward to today, and things are very different. The dust from your divorce has settled. The kids are living with your ex-spouse, who has been granted custody of them. And your new apartment is so quiet you could hear a pin drop in it. 

This is life at 35. And it’s not how it was supposed to be.

The truth, though, is that life doesn’t always happen as planned. And for many people who experience marital breakups, divorce depression is, unfortunately, a real problem. 

Here’s a rundown on how you can deal with this type of depression following a divorce proceeding in Texas. 

How You Might Feel When You Have Divorce Depression

When you break up with your spouse, the loss you experience may be comparable to what you’d feel after losing a family member or friend. After all, divorce signifies the end of a marriage and thus dashed dreams and hopes.

Here’s a look at a few symptoms of divorce depression you might experience after going through divorce

  • Being unable to sleep
  • Overeating or lacking an appetite
  • Feeling worthless or guilty
  • Feeling suicidal
  • Constantly thinking about death
  • Being uninterested in activities you used to enjoy
  • Feeling indifferent or pessimistic
  • Feeling restless and anxious
  • Feeling irritable and angry
  • Constantly struggling with negative thoughts
  • Having trouble concentrating
  • Drinking alcohol and using drugs excessively
  • Struggling with unusual pains and aches
  • Feeling fatigued

Although having these feelings following a divorce is not abnormal, you should see a physician if you begin to experience four or more of the abovementioned symptoms daily for an extended period. That’s because lingering divorce depression may be causing them.

When people experience deaths in their families, it is common for others to offer them support. This type of support is usually absent, however, when a person is divorced. So, in this situation, it’s critical that you seek out support yourself.

Be Grateful 

One of the best moves you can make when dealing with divorce depression is to practice being grateful for what you do have despite the divorce. In other words, it’s imperative that you actively attempt to find things to be joyful about. For instance, you can be grateful to hear the birds sing, or you can show gratitude for the close friend who’s been there for you through thick and thin.

Along these lines, it’s a wise idea to give yourself the chance to experience life’s simple pleasures. For instance, you can take time to read an encouraging book, or enjoy sunshine, or bake your favorite dessert. Aromatherapy can also help you to feel better; in fact, rose oil remains a popular essential oil for naturally treating depression.  

Be Self-Aware When You’re Battling Divorce Depression

If you realize that certain items around your home trigger sad memories for you, it may be a good idea to get rid of them. For instance, it may be a good time to put your wedding pictures away, or you can remove your wedding ring.

In addition, now is an excellent time to start journaling if you haven’t done it before. Specifically, you should focus on keeping track of when you start to feel depressed. For instance, maybe the evening hours trigger your sorrow. As soon as you uncover a pattern, start doing something new and enjoyable during the time of day when your divorce depression symptoms are most pronounced. 

Also, when you do end up feeling a little down, keep reminding yourself that it’s your choice to be joyful. You may not feel happy at first, but over time, you’ll see your attitude change for the better.

Look Outside of Yourself When You’re Struggling with Divorce Depression

Let’s say you’re feeling especially overwhelmed with sorrowful feelings following your divorce. A smart way of combating these feelings is to focus on helping other people. This will help you to take your mind off your own situation. 

For example, when you’re battling divorce depression, give someone else a compliment, or do a favor for a neighbor or friend. Brightening somebody else’s day has a funny way of brightening your own day, too.

Limit Your Sadness When Struggling with Divorce Depression

Perhaps your divorce depression continues to be heavy no matter how hard you try to overcome it. In this scenario, it may behoove you to set aside between 15 and 30 minutes per day to let yourself feel sorrowful. If you start to feel sad outside of this block of time, remind yourself to save it for that allotted time slot. Then, when it’s time, let yourself feel sad with no restrictions. 

Afterward, emphasize to yourself that you can feel miserable again the next day during your time slot. You eventually won’t need the time slot as you get farther from your divorce date.

Tackle Your Divorce Proceeding with Confidence Now!

All in all, yes, divorce can be a pain, as it can lead to divorce depression along with financial challenges, for instance. However, it can also be a very positive stepping stone in your life, leading you to an even better stage of life.

At Ramos Law Group, PLLC, we understand how difficult divorce can be in Texas. That’s why we’re passionate about guiding you through the process and making it as simple and painless for you as possible. For instance, we can help you to take advantage of divorce mediation or collaboration, which is generally less hostile, costly, and stressful than traditional divorce litigation.

Get in touch with us today to find out how we can protect your best interests long term during your divorce proceeding. 

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Top Five Divorce Tips For Business Owner

1. Don’t Wait

Divorce is NOT fun. It can be a lengthy, emotional and expensive process. Many Texas residents find themselves dragging their feet despite the fact the marriage is clearly over. This may be to avoid hurting the children, to prolong a nasty property fight or any other number of reasons. While burying one’s head in the sand may seem like the path of least resistance, it can actually complicate the divorce process in the long run.

Texas is a community property state so all assets or debts that were acquired during the marriage are subject to a just and right division by the Texas divorce court. This means that any growth in the business, increased revenue and income, bonuses paid by the business to the owner or other financial windfalls are a community asset. If a business expands to multiple locations or has other types of growth, that can make an otherwise simple divorce proceeding more complicated.

Even if a Texas business owner is not ready to initiate a divorce proceeding, if there are marital troubles at hand it would be wise to consult with a licensed Texas family law attorney who can review the business structure and other marital assets and then provide legal counsel as to how to best protect those assets should a divorce be filed.

2. Keep Excellent Records

When property is contested during a divorce, the cornerstone to successful settlement negotiations or trial is having excellent records. Many Texas businesses are sole proprietorships or small companies that may not employ a fulltime accounting firm or keep diligent records.

There are several facets of accounting that will be relevant to a divorce proceeding.

  1. Value of the business – If a business or company is community property, the entity itself and its value will be subject to division during the divorce. There are several methods of determining a business’ value, but all require a proper accounting of the business. This is not limited to the amount of money in a business’ bank account. This includes outstanding invoices, revolving contracts, the value of company assets or equipment, monthly expenses and more. Even a contractor has tools or items of the trade that need to be valued. If a Texas business owner is purchasing items for the business, it can be helpful to keep track of all assets and business investments.
  2. Income – If child support is also an issue to be addressed during a divorce, then the business-owning spouse will need to be able to prove what their exact income is and will need proper documentation. As discussed below, this can be complicated if the business is paying for personal expenses for its owner (such as cell phones or meals) because those items can be considered “deemed income.”

If child support is going to be requested, the easiest way to determine income is if the business pays its owner weekly/bi-weekly/monthly paychecks. Then that spouse’s net monthly income can be easily determined for child support calculation purposes. If a business owner “pays” himself by bank account transfers or cash, it can quickly become convoluted and complicate the divorce process. If at all possible, a Texas business owner should use an accounting firm or cut himself regular checks marked as income to have solid records for income reporting purposes.

 3. Don’t Mix Personal and Business Expenses

Texas business owners often use their business accounts to pay for things such as cell phones, vehicles, meals, clothing and even rent/mortgage on their house if it is a home-based business. And in many cases, all of those are reasonable and necessary business expenses and it is perfectly acceptable for the business to bear the brunt of those expenses.

During a divorce however, using company funds to pay personal expenses can cause the financial picture to get murky. Using a business account as a personal piggy bank can complicate the child support calculation process, the business valuation numbers or spousal support to be awarded.

4. Get a Post-Marital Agreement if Possible

A pre-marital agreement or a post-marital agreement can help facilitate a quick resolution to any property disputes. If the parties did not execute a pre-marital agreement prior to the marriage, then a post-marital agreement can be a great option to designate how the parties will handle a community-property business asset in the event of a divorce.

A post-marital agreement can designate a business as one spouse’s separate property or the spouses can agree how to divide a specific asset. A post-marital agreement must be fully agreed to and executed to be valid and enforceable and not all spouses may be comfortable with the idea of planning for a divorce. If it is an option, it can save legal headaches down the road. A Texas business owner should consult with a licensed family law attorney to discuss the possibility of entering into such an agreement.

5. Hire Experienced Legal Counsel

 As outlined above, owning a business while going through a Texas divorce can add another layer of complexity to the divorce process. There can be several financial concerns, including several that may have federal tax implications, that need to be addressed. Hiring an experienced Texas family law attorney, like the legal team at the Ramos Law Group, PLLC, can ensure all facets relating to a business are confidently handled. That will allow a Texas business owner to continue to devote the majority of their time and attention to their family and their business while their legal team can handle the rest.

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Half of all marriages end in divorce. The factors that impact this number have been long-studied and include age, ethnicity, childhood, and generation. Another factor in predicting the divorce rate of a couple is their careers. Job demands and income play an intrinsic role.

According to job search powerhouse, Zippia, and data analyzed from U.S. Census data, the career you choose can play a major role in the efficacy of your marriage to be satisfying and successful. The most common concerns that are addressed by loved ones include:

  • Lower pay rates
  • Long work hours
  • Emotional stress
  • Travel time away from home

While it's unfair to assume that having a family and career are impossible achievements, your chosen career can play a role in the breakdown of a marriage if left unmanaged. Proactivity and genuine love for the other person can supersede most issues.

Let’s take a look at the jobs with the highest divorce rate by industry.

1. First-Line Enlisted Military Supervisors

The job with the highest divorce rate is first-line enlisted military supervisors. The divorce rate for this group is a staggering 30% according to the study’s findings. Speculative belief regarding the strain placed on marriages is attributable to long deployment times and high stress. First-line enlisted supervisors likely have firsthand experience in combat which carries its own burdens and emotional strains that may carry over into the marriage.

2. Logisticians

Logisticians come in at number two in our list of jobs with the highest divorce rates at 17%. For these professionals, job security is high, and pay averages $74,590 annually. However, supply-chain management does not equal a steady 'supply' of marital bliss. This cause could be due to more stress and high workload demand. Excessive overtime demands do not seem to help either.

3. Mechanics and Auto Technicians

It makes sense that mechanics and auto technicians hit heavy on the divorce front at a whopping 17 percent. With a median annual salary of $39,550, financial instability likely puts a strain on the marriage. Mechanics also have some of the highest rates in illness and injury along. Physical demand leads to daily exhaustion which does not exactly breed an environment conducive to one-on-one family time.

4. Military Enlisted Tactical Operations and Air Weapons

Female military members experience higher divorce rates than men in the same position

Another not-so-surprising job with divorce rates among the highest includes military enlisted tactical operations and air weapons personnel with a divorce rate of 17%. Plus, divorce favors one gender over the other. Enlisted women experience higher divorce rates than their male counterparts according to a study completed by Princeton University. It's not all doom-and-gloom: career enlisted members have a lower divorce rate than those entering the field for a shorter period.

5. Chemical Technicians

In Zippia's study of divorce rate by industry, chemical technicians have been identified as a career that may affect the longevity of a marriage. At a divorce rate of 15%, closer inspection of day-to-day activities may give away clues as to why this rate is so high. Time commitments, supervisory functions, and demand for attention-to-detail may leave little room for emotional connection at home.

6. Food Services Workers

Food service workers hold jobs with the highest divorce rates in the industry.

Food service workers, such as line cooks, chefs, and waiters, made the top ten of this list at a 15% divorce rate. For starters, the average median annual income is $20,180 that likely puts a strain on the marriage. Work hours are typically long and irregular and may leave a lot to be desired for traditional leisure time with family members.

7. Enlisted Military, Any Rank or Position

This isn't the first time we've seen military members in the top ten list of jobs with the highest divorce rates (see # 1 and # 4 of this list). The average divorce rate for military members is 15%. As previously noted, job demands, relocation, and deployment times are top contributors to the ever-expanding high rate of divorce for our country's heroes. Re-entry to civilian life is stressful for the serviceperson and the readjustment for his or her family members.

8. Non-Farm Animal Caretakers

Who would have thought that those who care for animals would face divorce rates higher than others? A 15% divorce rate may signal a higher rate of compassion fatigue. Compassion fatigue occurs when a person is repeatedly exposed to traumatized people or animals. This exposure can lead to bouts of depression and fits of anger alongside marital neglect.

9. Clerical Library Assistants

Clerical library assistants also have the jobs also among the highest divorce rates

The person sitting at the counter, checking out your books, and setting up meeting rooms has a 15% increased likelihood of getting a divorce when compared to other divorce rates by industry. Perhaps the reason for the higher divorce rate is attributed to mostly part-time work with an average $25,810 median salary per annum.

10. Engineering Technicians and Professional Drafters

Moreover, finally on the list of jobs with the highest divorce rates is capped by engineering technicians and careers similarly situated. Engineering technicians and professional drafters experience a divorce rate of 14%. Perhaps this higher rate is due to a failure to nurture a marriage in favor of the demands placed on them by scientists and engineers to transform projects through creative problem-solving. Travel to construction sites could also create a larger divide between a married couple and lead to growing apart over the long-run.

The Takeaway: Jobs with the Highest Divorce Rates

Having a job with the highest divorce rates by industry is not always equated with divorce. Many people in these industries forge strong bonds with their partners to beat all odds. They’re the ones who stay aware of the pitfalls and communicate with each other as issues arise. Following suit may help you create a happy, healthy marriage that is not bound by choice of career.

At Ramos Law Group, PLLC, we know that sometimes a marriage can break down no matter what career paths you and your partner have chosen. Working with an experienced divorce lawyer in Texas can help you file for divorce and get you set on the path to the best possible outcome.

Schedule a no-obligation consultation with a member of our legal team when you contact us today.

Once a court order is in place concerning possession and access, parties and their children tend to acclimate to the new schedule without too many problems.  However, if the possessory parent (the parent who does not have the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the children) has an obstacle when regularly exercising possession, problems can arise. 

Possessory Parent Is Not Required To Exercise

First, it is important to understand that the possessory parent is not required to exercise each and every period of possession awarded to them in the order.  In fact, every order will contain a provision that orders the parties to notify the other parent when they are unable to exercise a period of possession.  

Second, just because one parent notifies the other parent that they cannot exercise a period of possession, the other parent is not obligated to arrange their schedule to accommodate whatever portion of the period of possession can be exercised. 

Most of the time, an inability to exercise possession and access is not going to be a problem as parents tend to fall into one of two categories:

  1. A parent who exercises nearly every period of possession barring some medical emergency or natural disaster or
  2. A parent who never exercises at all.  In these cases, there is a level of predictability for the parents and the children. 

However, in the rare cases where a parent’s exercise of periods of possession is not as predictable, such as their work schedule is exceedingly difficult to predict, or subject to change, lack of predictability can become a problem for both parents. 

Enforcement is likely to be a concern for both parents. 

Parents do not want to just sit at home and wait for a parent that may or may not show up.  However, not being at home for the designated periods of possession may make them vulnerable to an enforcement action, which can include fines, attorney’s fees, and even jail.

Possessory parents who have an everchanging schedule cannot enforce their periods of possession unless they can guarantee that they are where they are supposed to be at when they are supposed to be under the order.  If they have a consistent issue with not being able to be there at the ordered time and place, there only solution may be to file a modification of the underlying order.

Open Communication & Best Practices

Having open communication with the other parent can help alleviate these problems.  Establishing a consistent method of communication can be helpful.  Our clients have used a variety of co-parenting apps, such as ourfamilywizard.com, to have a designated method of communication between them and the other parent.   Let the other parent know as soon as an issue arises and what your suggestion would be.  Be considerate of the other parent’s plans when asking for a change in schedule.  Figuring out a method that works for both parents can avoid future litigation.

          Before you even speak to an attorney, it may be helpful to know what court has jurisdiction over your divorce.  Knowing how the Judge in your case is likely to rule and what their pet peeves are can be incredibly beneficial to the presentation of your case so it is important to speak to an attorney who practices often in the jurisdiction in which you will ultimately file your case.  Read this article before you start reaching out to attorneys to make sure you are scheduling a consultation with an attorney who is going to be knowledgeable in your jurisdiction.

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           The general rule for jurisdiction in a Texas divorce is that at least one spouse must have been a domiciliary of Texas for the preceding 6 month period and a resident of the county in which the suit is filed for the preceding 90 day period.  This means that if the filing spouse is not a resident of Texas, a suit for divorce can still be maintained in Texas if he other spouse has been a domiciliary of Texas for the preceding 6 month period.  Generally, a person has been domiciled in Texas if they have resided in the state with the intent to make Texas his or her “fixed abode”.   The court will consider many factors in determining a person’s “fixed abode” including where a person spends most of their time, where they receive mail, what address is used to file a tax return, where does a person register their vehicle, whether they have a Texas drivers license, and where a person is registered to vote.  A number of factors are considered in determining whether one intends to make a residence a fixed abode so if you are not sure if you or your spouse has been domiciled in Texas for the requisite period of time, it is best to talk to an attorney. 

 

           There are several exceptions to the general rule outlined in the paragraph above for members of the armed forces.  First, time that a spouse spends in the armed forced outside of Texas is still considered residence in the State of Texas and in the county in which they lived.  If you are not sure whether your spouse was previously domiciled in Texas, look at his or her Military Paystub (LES) and see what it lists as their home state.  This will be a strong indicator that they are a domiciliary of Texas.  Second, a spouse is stationed in Texas can meet the jurisdictional requirements despite the fact that they may not intend to make Texas their permanent residence as long as they have been stationed in Texas for the preceding 6 month period and in the filing county for the preceding 90 day period.  These exceptions provide some jurisdictional flexibility for members of the armed forces and their spouses.

Every order that requires one party (Obligor) to pay child support to another party (Obligee) will outline how the Oblligor is to make payments.  It will say the following:

Payment - IT IS ORDERED that all payments shall be made through the state disbursement unit at Texas Child Support Disbursement Unit, P.O. Box 659791, San Antonio, Texas 78265-9791, and thereafter promptly remitted to OBLIGEE for the support of the child.

graphic showing a hand reaching for an envelope full of money held by another hand

As parties go through the process of a divorce, parentage action, or modification, they often soon learn, that it can take some time for the wage withholding orders to take effect.  As such a transition period often stretches the financial situation of both parties, the delay in receipt of child support can be a concern. Sometimes OBLIGORs take it upon themselves, to pay or give the child support directly to the OBLIGEE in an effort to make things smoother, to not be counted late, or to make sure that the parent with primary custody has the funds necessary to provide for the children. However, every order that obligates one party to pay child support will include the following provision:

No Credit for Informal Payments-IT IS ORDERED that the child support as prescribed in this decree shall be exclusively discharged in the manner ordered and that any direct payments made by OBLIGOR  to OBLIGEE or any expenditures incurred by OBLIGOR during OBLIGOR's periods of possession of or access to the child, as prescribed in this decree, for food, clothing, gifts, travel, shelter, or entertainment are deemed in addition to and not in lieu of the support ordered in this decree.

So, by doing what the OBLIGOR thinks is the “right” thing- i.e. paying the OBLIGEE directly, the OBLIGOR has put him or herself in danger of not receiving credit for the child support paid directly to the OBLIGEE.  By the time money starts coming out of their checks, the State Disbursement Unit will have the OBLIGOR already in arrears in their records. In order to get proper credit for the payments that were made directly, the OBLIGOR now has to rely on the OBLIGEE to execute an affidavit acknowledging that he or she has received the child support that was not paid through the Disbursement Unit and to send it with the proper information to the proper location.  Additionally, the OBLIGOR then has to rely on the Office of the Attorney General to properly credit the account in a timely manner. While all of this is happening, the Office of the Attorney General has the ability to take a number of actions to collect what in the eyes of the State is unpaid child support, including, but not limited to, the garnishing of your tax refund or placing a lien on property you may own.

There are steps that you and your attorney can take to protect or assist you during the transition phase and the time between the reaching of an agreement and the effect of a wage-withholding order.  However, unless you have previously discussed these options with your attorney and are satisfied that adequate protections are in place, send your payment directly to the state disbursement unit at Texas Child Support Disbursement Unit, P.O. Box 659791, San Antonio, Texas 78265-9791.

For more information, or to discuss what possible options would apply in your specific case, please consult an attorney to discuss the issue.  Also, the Child Support Division of the Office of the Attorney General of Texas has a very informative site that can be helpful and which also contains the forms mentioned in this blog. (https://texasattorneygeneral.gov/cs/welcome-to-the-child-support-division) (https://texasattorneygeneral.gov/cs/parents-and-guardians)>

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Under the Texas Family Code, there are certain circumstances where grandparents can file a suit requesting the court to grant them possession of or access to their biological grandchildren. However, there are certain statutory requirements that the grandparent must prove before the Court can award possession and access to grandparents in Texas.

grandfather carrying grandchild on his shoulders while standing next to grandmother

First, the grandparent(s) must prove that at least one of the child's biological or adoptive parents has NOT had their parental rights terminated. If both parents have had their parental rights terminated, the grandparents will not be able to get possession of or access to the child without first proving that it will be in the child's best interest that possession and access be awarded.

Second, the grandparent(s) must show by a preponderance of the evidence that the children's physical health or emotional well-being would be significantly impaired if the grandparent(s) were not allowed to exercise possession of or access to the children. In Texas, parents are presumed to be able to act in the best interest of their children. As such, the grandparents must rebut that presumption by showing that there would be a significant impairment to the children's physical health or emotional well-being. This is a fairly high burden - one that will not be met simply by showing evidence that the grandchildren love their grandparents and they would be sorely missed if they were not allowed to see their grandparents. A significant impairment has been found in situations where the grandparents have established a continuous relationship with the grandchildren and assumed certain parental responsibilities - i.e. taking the child to their doctor's appointments.

Third, the grandparents must prove that they have been wholly denied possession of or access to the grandchildren by the parent. Just because the grandparents aren't seeing the grandchildren as much as they would like does not mean that they have been wholly denied possession or access. Remember, the court presumes that parents can act in their children's best interest. As such, parents are also presumed to be able to determine appropriate visitation for the grandparents without having the Court order a specific schedule.

Fourth, the grandparents must be able to prove that they are a parent of one of the children's parents and that one of the following is true about that parent of the children:

  1. The children's parent has been incarcerated for at least 3 months before the petition was filed;
  2. The children's parent had been judicially declared incompetent;
  3. The children's parent is dead; or
  4. The children's parent does not have actual court-ordered possession of or access to the children.

There is no standard schedule that the court must order if a grandparent is awarded possession of or access to the grandchildren, but the court will typically order some weekend and holiday periods of possession for a grandparent who meets all of the above criteria.

It is important to keep in mind that the requirements listed above are only for grandparents seeking possession of or access to their grandchildren. The Texas Family Code details a different set of requirements when grandparents are seeking custody of their grandchildren.

Mary E. Ramos is a Board Certified Houston Divorce Lawyer and Family Law Attorney

Attorneys of Ramos Law Group

Houston, TX- Oct 2nd, 2017: Ramos Law Group, PLLC, an award-winning family law firm, is pleased to announce the launch of their new and improved website. The Houston-based firm, founded by Board Certified Family Law Attorney Mary E. Ramos, has long been respected in the Texas legal community for their dedication to achieving positive outcomes for their clients. With the launch of their new website, Ramos Law Group anticipates continued growth and exceptional service for the greater Houston area.

The goal of the new website is to provide information about the full scope of our family law services, including uncontested divorce, contested divorce, high net worth divorce, adoption services, and mediation. The website also features an extensive blog which serves as an educational resource to answer some of the more challenging questions related to divorce and family law.

The website also features detailed biographies for Mary E. Ramos and her team of attorneys, including certifications, education, and professional experience. When visiting the new website, prospective clients can learn about the family law services offered, get information about the Ramos Law Group legal team, and schedule a consultation instantly.

Fortunately, the offices of Ramos Law Group were not damaged by Hurricane Harvey. In the days following the storm, they were able to provide room and supplies to members of the Harris County legal community at their offices about 3 miles from the Houston Courthouse.

About Ramos Law Group:

The Ramos Law Group, PLLC is a family law firm serving the region of Houston, Texas. They provide legal services specializing in divorce, mediation, child custody, child support, and adoption cases. The group emphasizes helping clients navigate the challenges important to their parent-child relationship.

Three Ramos Law Group attorneys have been recognized as being Houston’s top lawyers in 2015 through 2017 by H Texas Magazine, including board certified founder Mary E. Ramos. Mary has a passion for improving her family law knowledge through continuing legal education (CLE) and training. On average, she completes between 80 to 100 hours of continuing legal education per year.

The family law experts of the Ramos Law group are committed to reaching the best possible outcomes for their clients and families.

For more information about Ramos Law Group, visit their new website at www.ramosfamilylaw.com.


Press contact info:

Alfredo Ramos
Business Manager

1214 Miramar Street
Houston, TX 77006
(713) 225 6200
press@ramosfamilylaw.com

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